Yuck...those are such gross words...MORBIDLY OBESE. I have been fat my whole life. Wanna see:
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| 2012 |
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| October 2012 |
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| January 2013 |
So ya...I've never known 'skinny'. Ya...I would love to look like what I looked like in high school, but even then I was still 'the fatty'. I wasn't bullied or anything. I had plenty of friends and I don't remember ever feeling like my weight was something that I was overly concerned or worried about.
I would have to say that the first time I really thought seriously "I am going to do something about being a fatty" was in the Summer of 2004, right after I graduated from college. I joined weight watchers, and I did really well! I lost probably 60 pounds, but eventually gained it (plus tons more) back. Ever since then, I don't think a day has gone by that I haven't thought about how fat I am.
Fast forward to a little over a year ago. I was pregnant and had my first appointment with my doctor. I was weighed for the first time in a while and I was 405. BARF!!! That's 405!! How disgusting! When I got married in October 2010 I was probably around 350-360 pounds. And by January of 2012 I had gotten up to 405. Sick. Well, eventually I miscarried and life went on. I stayed pretty steady at around 400 pounds. But, I was beginning to notice how hard every day things were becoming; tying my shoes, walking around the grocery store, bending over to rotate the laundry, getting up and down from the floor, cleaning the house.
My good friend Ashlie has gotten the lap band surgery and she looked really good. We were out to lunch one day in January of February of 2013 and she mentioned that her surgeon was doing a 'new type' of weight loss surgery. He was doing a trail for a 'gastric plication', and she was really wanting to undo her band and get the plication...but it wasn't covered by insurance yet because it's still a trial surgery. (you can read more about Dr. Terry Simpson and the gastric plication here). I had thought of weight loss surgery before, but in the back of my mind I always thought it was 'the easy way out'. But for some reason I was really intrigued about this gastric plication and so I made an appointment with Dr. Simpson. (I was 399 pounds that day)
A lot of discussion and thinking and worrying later, I decided to go ahead with the gastric plication. Sort of a bad thing happened then though....In between early March when I first met with Dr. Simpson and actually scheduling the surgery, I totally went off any good eating plan I had been attempting to do. I started getting McDonald's breakfast almost every morning, and would often eat out lunch as well. Some days, even eating out all three meals!! I scheduled my surgery for mid June, and when I went in on June 6th for my appointment before the surgery, and I was now up to 411. He told me I needed to start a protein liquid diet right away. I started off doing two shakes a day and one meal, and then last week I started a full protein liquid diet. As of yesterday I was down to 394. (I will probably write more about the liquid diet later, it's 11pm now and I have to get up at the butt crack of dawn tomorrow)
Tomorrow is my surgery. I am a little nervous...but mostly very to make this change in my life. I know it's going to be hard and probably very frustrating at times...but I can't wait to be able to book a plane ticket and not go into an anxiety attack over what the seating is going to be like. I want to ride on a roller coaster that goes upside down. I want to buy clothes from inside Old Navy, not online. (Heck, I'd take just being able to buy clothes from inside Lane Bryant again. I've outgrown all of their jeans. AND THAT'S THE FATTY GIRLS STORE!!) Mostly I just want to be able to live a healthy life!! Thankfully, I don't have diabetes or high blood pressure, but those things are almost unavoidable if I don't change something now. I know I will never be what the world sees as 'skinny'...but I know I can be a lot better than I am now.
Here we go...
